Category Archives: Fatherhood

Covering the times and challenges of fatherhood

Drawing with Bug

One of my favorite things right now is watching Bug draw. Something about how serious and intense her look is as she concentrates on the page, I just love it!


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Selfish Self Promotion

I accidentally poked a hole in Abby’s float last time we went to the pool, hope she doesn’t mind me using the chance to selfishly self promote!

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Spaghetti Hair

Okay, this just might be with my kids in my home, but I have a feeling this isn’t isolated, so I throw this question out to you:  Why do kids want to put spaghetti in their hair and on top of their heads?!  At least for me, this seems to be the only food that gets the privilege of being carefully and purposefully placed on the top of ones cranium.  Sure, others will be thrown, smashed, played with and anything else those little minds can come up with, but spaghetti, with or without sauce, is thought out, calmly placed.  A calculated action by one so small.

I realize the argument could be made that food manages to make its way into kids hair all the time, and I don’t disagree.  I was just having to clean cookie out from behind Bug’s ear just the other day and wondering how she managed to get it there.  I’m not arguing or questioning that, because that can happen with a simple arm movement or having to scratch ones head.  That is a common occurrence.

No, I’m asking, why is it spaghetti that gets the special treatment of intentionally, not accidently or randomly place, but intentionally place on top of the head?  I cannot being to question one’s motives when it comes to such, but all I can do is submit the follow picture as evidence…


I rest my case your honor.  The Spaghetti Hair Monster is alive and well at the Geekasm household. (Until the bathwater is ran, of course)

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Corruption of the young…with Wonder Woman #600

So my 8 year old has currently been asking questions regarding collecting.  She wants to collect something, she’s wanting to make something her own.  Basically she’s trying to find who she is and develop her own identity, but currently has trouble letting go of the desire to make everyone around her happy with her.  Well the other day, she just randomly starting sorting through some of my old comic books I have up stairs.  Now first off, you have to understand I used to be a HUGE comic geek back in the day, I mean huge!  Was a heavy collector of all things Spider-man, well before the movies, and I had a great collection too, unfortunately I really don’t have any of it left, through circumstances I’m not proud of at all.  Anyway, she started asking question, like how long did I buy them, where did I buy them, etc. and actually sat down and started reading an issue of JLA.

Well today, I did something that gave me a small spark of pride, and a large chunk of questioning motives.  Fortunately my job takes me many places throughout the state, and when coming home, I was able to pass what used to be my main stop for all things comics back in the day in Somerset, Ky.  The store is Collector’s Comics, and fortunately for myself, the place was still there.  Well I walked in with the determination to find 2-3 comics that would give a good range of what my 8 year old might or might not enjoy reading and/or collecting.  A task that I found was not as smooth and easy as I had hoped, as I found out, and explained to the man working the store, its not that easy to shop for comics for someone else!!

So after much browsing and fighting the urge to buy a large group of books for myself,perez600 I came away with 3, those being Tiny Titans, the current Supergirl (#54 I believe) and the recently released Wonder Woman #600.  I had already read WW through a different means, so I knew the issue, not only being a starting point for a story for her, but also gave her a few separate stories she could read and get a feel for how comics are.

Where this will lead, I have no clue as she hasn’t sat down to read any yet, but already has one of my unused bags and boards to place her WW #600 in once she’s completed with it, and she already plans on going through my books and pulling ones she’d like to look at.  So either I will soon have what will be an avid comic fan (and my new excuse for running to the local store on Weds) or this will be a phase that burns out as quickly as it was ignited.  Only time will tell, so we can only sit back and wait (and read the news headlines coming in from SDCC)

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Evolution of the diaper change

I was changing my daughter’s diaper this evening, just like any parent with a young infant would be doing, when it dawned on me.  A process, which should be evolving towards eventual potty training and the disappearance of the diaper, has become something similar to a dance or a wrestling match between myself and the ever elusive Bug!

You may laugh, but think back to when you first get your brand new baby, fresh out of the package.  They’re so fragile, so tiny, you’re almost afraid to touch them, or if you’re holding them, to lay them down, afraid they’ll bruise like a soft peach.  Any action is a delicate processes, including the diaper change.  Especially those first few days, it’s a process all its own.  Your baby is swaddle in their blanket keeping them warm, you have to slowly unwrap them, which eventually just pisses them off, but then you have to take off the small diaper and clean them of their small mess, apply baby powder and a fresh diaper.  A processes, especially while still in the hospital, seems to be enjoyed by grandmothers for whatever reason.  (You might find it strange, but I have stood back and watched a number of different grandmothers all but jump at the chance to change those tiny diapers while at the hospital.  Possibly because they know of the nightmares to come?  Hmmmm….).

Eventually after you get home, your baby grows and you become more comfortable around them, and the diaper changing process, to where your hand/eye coordination is top notch!  You can get your baby’s butt clean and dry before anyone even realizes what you’re doing.  During this time, your baby is still content with simply lying there, possibly fussing, but you feel confident in your diaper changing abilities.  You can wipe a small butt with the best of them, and you zoom through the processes like nothing.  You can change a diaper from nearly any position or situation and still have it looking perfect.  You’re a master of your diaper domain, and you’re not ashamed to stand tall and say it!

Then suddenly, at some point, things change.  So far you have been making forward progress, getting more efficient, knowing your baby’s patterns, and when you finally have it down to where you can effortlessly change a diaper in the dark, BAM!!  They turn into the Ric Flair of the infant world!  Turning, squirming, screaming, grabbing, slinging, throwing, absolutely anything and everything they can do to try and prevent you from either removing the diaper, or cleaning them.  What used to be a simple process for just you, now requires 3 Navy Seals, a tranquilizer gun and a spot light!  And if they have a diaper rash and you have to put on any cream….oh boy!  All I can say is “God speed brave soul.”

What I don’t get is, why?!  They’re getting older, the messes are getting bigger and well you’d think they’d want it off them.  Only it seems like the opposite.  You can have your baby girl in your arms, loving on you, being happy and smiling, until she realizes what you plan on doing to do, at that point, the horns come out, the bell rings to start the match, and ITS ON!!  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes she’s still my perfect little girl, but typically….shew!  And I realize some might be laughing, saying its just a normal thing, and I’m not saying its not.  Its just, even though I have 3 kids, this is the first one I’ve really been around where I’m having to change diapers everyday, and well….the behavior just seems backwards to me.



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iPhone Baby

I have had the WordPress App on my iPhone forever now and have never attempted to create a post from it, never had come upon a reason I couldn’t wait until I got to my laptop. Well partially out of boredom and curiosity I found an excuse to create a post.
I’ve posted about my baby girl playing with my phone, and as her geeky father, trying to find new ways to entertain her. I’ve even posted reviews on some of the apps I’ve had the most success with. Well as proof of concept, I snapped this picture of Abby playing Peekaboo Barn on my wife’s iPhone while stopping at a red light. I just find it entertaining how a 1 year old can be more aware of how to use a technical device then many adults (example: my parents).
Although I’m still up in the air on how much technology is too much technology when it comes to young children, I couldn’t help but share this snap shot of my bug. Father’s pride I guess.

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iPhones and infants

I’ve realized that there is a growing demand for information for apps for what I’m calling iPhone Babies. I’m in the process of testing other apps with my baby girl (but Peekaboo Barn is still the take all home run).  What I’m looking for are suggestions for apps.  What does your baby enjoy, what gets their attention?  Paid or free, doesn’t matter, I’m curious to see what other magic apps are out there for us tech savvy parents.  Feel free to comment below on what apps you feel fall under the category of “Must Have”.

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The little things….

Last night, a Lexington Police officer was killed in the line of duty by a hit and run while he was investigating a call.  He was 27 and a father.  Its a sad and tragic story that has been on the news all morning. [news article]  Even though I had already processed the story, thought about how selfless those men and women are, swallowed the distaste for the coward of a man who did this, nothing struck me more profoundly and brought me to such soul searching until I saw this on facebook posted by Kristen Pflum, a reporter for LEX 18.


Reading this caused my heart to sink, something I even acknowledged with a comment on this status saying as much.  Its hard to believe that sometimes I do forget how much I wanted to be a Dad.  Its one of the reasons I never fought to save my first marriage, something I’ve never admitted to until now, on this rarely read blog.  We were in two different places in life, and maybe it was selfish of me, but I wanted kids, I knew I did, I wanted to be a Dad so bad, to be able to feel that love, and when she said she didn’t, it changed my whole perspective, it changed everything for me in regards to her.

Then when Canaan came around, so many grey clouds and questions with that, its hard to imagine it could have been any more of a mess.  I don’t hide the fact that I regret not having the chance to be involved more when he was first born, even more so as I have watched Abby grow, but I don’t regret fighting and being determined to be a part of my son’s life.  All the times I cried and was upset, fighting and struggling with his mom, thinking that it would be easier to not be involved.  My heart would never let me do that, I might have thought it at my lowest points, but I don’t regret ever making the decisions I’ve made, I question them sure.  What little I am able to be involved in his life right now, of course I question if the little he gets to see me is actually a good thing for him or if it just confuses him and makes some things worse.  Why wouldn’t I?  He’s my son, I want the best for him, and even though it might hurt me, I want him happy, and I seriously question if I’m selfish sometimes when it comes to wanting to be his father more then I am now.  He has grown every time I’ve picked him up, he breaks my heart every time he asks when he gets to go back to his mom, or not telling me he loves me, or cries when I come to pick him up, but I would never change the fact that I’m his father.  I never for even a moment not want to be his Daddy.

And even though he’s my first, and I have Katlyn, who for someone that doesn’t share an ounce of blood with me will end up being like me more then my two biological kids, and challenges me as a parent and a person everyday, and I love her with everything in me, my heart is with my Bug.  I have 3 kids, and I’ve only got to be around 1 during their first year, to watch them grow, get teeth, try to walk to say Daddy, to yell DaDa, to just mumble it, partially because that’s all she can say.  To hear them cry and laugh to watch her struggle with something new, and see the determination in her beautiful blue eyes.  She has been everything I wanted and looked forward to in regards to being a parent.  And if anyone that reads this, thinks I’m putting Canaan and Katlyn down, or saying they’re less of anything, I’m not.  I’d do anything for any of my kids.  My kids are my heart and my life.  I would probably surprise people how many times a week I sit and wonder if I’m doing the right thing, if I’m a good or a bad parent.  I have a lot of alone time, a lot of driving, and they’re always a constant thought.  Wondering how I can connect more with Katlyn as she gets older and I more and more become “Dad”.  How I can connect more with Canaan in terms of father and son, something I feel I fail at because of what little time I have.  They’re both a challenge and heartbreak for me because I do feel I let them down.  Abby is just the better reminder of why I wanted to be a parent, why I looked forward to it and what makes me so determined to be a good parent, a good man and roll model for all three.  I’d do anything for them, and even though I have to get onto them, and their behavior drives me insane at times, I cherish ever single second and already wish I would rewind time, or free time in a single moment.  I feel guilty losing sight of that.  With all the stress and rushing that life gives me I could say its easy for me to forget the little things, but that’s shameful to when its the little things that drive me.  That get me to strive to be a better man.  To be someone they would be proud to call Dad.  The little things that are the most important in life are the same that are so easily taken for granted.  Little moments in their life as they grow, the joy in just one of their cheese tooth filled or joyful 3 tooth smiles, the satisfaction of accomplishing one of your life goals…and like being able to come home to the love of your children…

If you can’t tell by the rambling, my children are my life and soul.  Everything I’ve ever done and will ever do, is and will forever be for and about them.  I hate that such a horrible tragedy brought to light how selfish and unappreciative I’ve been of the little things lately.  I hate that a son will now grow up without his Dad because his Dad had it in him to be a great man.  I hate that a father won’t be able to throw a ball to his boy, or to be in the stand for his son to see as he stands out in a ball field.  To carry him on his shoulders, or to be there as a “man” the first time a girl breaks his heart.

In all the politics, stress, debt and struggle we go through as adults in everyday life, its scary we forget to cherish the little things that keep us going.  Something Brayden will never have to struggle with.

God Bless Bryan Durman.

2 of my “little things” after dropping off their big sister at school.  4/30/10

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A geek as a father….undermining the imagination?

With the weather finally starting to warm up, and thinking back to how the kids were last year, I’m beginning to wonder if I do more damage then good.  I’ll admit that I enjoy electronic toys, if I had more money I’d probably have more, heck I’m even considering getting an iPad, and its partially just for me to have, and another part, I think of how my kids could play with it and entertain them, and I seriously sit and question if that’s good or not.

I remember when I was a kid, when it warmed up, I’d go just walking around the woods, building forts, or just finding random things to do that would keep me busy until I was yelled for.  I remember always wanting to go play in the creek, building dams with rocks, or thinking and considering going back into the cave at Granny’s. (Something I have yet to do, but at 29 still considering it this summer).  I wonder if being as technology obsessed as I can be has rubbed off on them in a bad way.  I just don’t see the happiness or imagination in their eyes like I felt that I had.  It takes effort to get them to go outside and play, but even then, its standardized.  They aren’t using their imagination.  You ask them to play a certain way, or play like their doing something and they have a blank stair.  Their imagination is more like a trained muscle now, only knowing movements that its grown accustomed to.  If it doesn’t involve the Wii, or the Leapster, or something on TV, it just seems like they draw a blank.  The joys of imagining being a superhero turtle, or drawing your latest crazy space monster, or pretending that you’re building a fort to protect yourself from the invading army, all that has faded away it seems.  That don’t have that.

I mean sure, the argument could be made that its good that they have a chance to be associated with all this technology.  That it will benefit them down the road, as they get older and become more dependent on technology, but where do you draw the line to separate it being beneficial, and being harmful?  I see my little girl, playing with her Little People, and you can see, even at 10 months, her imagination is starting to fire up, while at 3 1/2, my son’s imagination is a spark, barely able to break past things he has already experienced or seen on TV, and at 8, Katlyn’s seems to be more that trained muscle, only having an imagination that is limited to things she’s already associated with, never being able to break outside the box.

As parents, you always want to give your children a happier childhood then you had, but having more isn’t always better.  I just feel that the numbing and the watering down of their imaginations is a harmful side effect of having a Dad that is a tech geek, and its something I feel is hurting them now rather then benefitting them.  I just hope I can find a way to rectify it, without causing more harm. 


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Bug’s First Valentine’s Day

Well my Bug’s first Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and although it went off without too much happening, it was a good day.  With only being 9 months old, I didn’t see the option of getting Abby very much beyond just a big ole stuffed animal, which seemed to be the mistake.  I got Abby a big pink bear holding a heart that simply said “Love” with the year on one of its feet, while I got Katlyn a heart filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, a stuffed gorilla and some other small things.  Well Abby just wasn’t happy with this, eyeing Katlyn’s chocolate and gorilla.  Eventually she did get a taste of her first peanut butter cup (Daddy is a huge softy, I can’t help it) but until that point, and at times after, she was just cranky, and I had fun playing it off as acting like a diva.  At 9 months, she’s already upset that she didn’t get flowers or jewelry for Valentine’s Day.  LOL


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